Transformation
by Toofdap
Summary: An Animagus can transform at will. But what happens if they can't? Pairing: RL SB. Warnings: Slash, angst. Work in progress


Transformation

_Archive_: Padfoot...Snuffles SBRL, Azkaban's Lair (if Nezad wants it), Meant to Be, anywhere else, just ask :o)  
_Summary_: "An Animagus can transform at will." But what happens if they can't?   
_Pairing_:Remus / Sirius  
_Disclaimer_: All characters etc belong to JK Rowling - I just 'borrow' them from time-to-time  
_Spoilers_: POA I guess  
_Author's Notes_: Set between GoF and OotP.  
_Thanks to_: my ace (and very quick!) beta hpotterexpert

_"I must say in my years in the fandom, I don't think I've considered the idea of Sirius having trouble with transforming, so it was an intriguing idea. And can I say that my favourite scene was the interaction between Moony and Padfoot; there's not too much written on those lovely boys while in their canine forms, so this was a nifty treat:-D"_ Nezad (Azkaban's Lair)

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Looking at the room, all Sirius could see was black walls and a thirteen-barred gateway leading to a similarly black corridor. The all-too familiar stench of raw cold fear filled his nostrils, and the ice-cold feeling he had known for so long crept over his body. His pulse quickening, Sirius closed his eyes to transform, but couldn't. Focussing his mind on Padfoot, he screwed his eyes tight and held his breath for a few seconds. Letting the breath go slowly, lowering his head he opened his eyes, but no paws greeted him, just those tired, worn-out shoes and dusty feet.

He could feel the presence of the Dementors now, they were approaching fast. Looking again at the walls, Sirius searched desperately for an escape route, but to no avail. Suddenly, he heard a deathly rattle behind him. Looking round, his pulse rate was so fast he thought he would pass out. The Dementor moved closer, drawing everything towards it. Sirius had lost all his powers of thought. In his head, he could hear his mother's voice, in the same crisp manner he recognised from his childhood.  
"You! A despicable thing - betraying the name of Black through Hogwarts. You will never get any part of the vast family fortune, or even a bed in this house. All you are worthy of, is sleeping on the streets, you no good ..."  
The voice tailed off, as another became clearer.  
"Sirius. Paddy. Sirius."

Sirius found himself being shaken awake, as the other voice became even clearer. Opening his eyes, realising he was drenched with sweat, he saw a concerned Remus leaning over him.  
"You alright Sirius? Come on, sit up." Remus guided Sirius' body towards a stack of pillows on the bed, leaning him against them. "You're soaked - what happened?"  
Sirius caught his breath - he felt like he'd run a mile or three. "Bad dream. Very bad dream."  
Remus' expression changed to pity. "Another Azkaban one?"  
Sirius nodded. "This time was worse. I couldn't do it."  
Remus looked confused. "It?"  
Sirius looked him straight in the eyes, his face filled with terror, and replied in a small voice that didn't sound like his own, "transform."

Remus looked back into those grey eyes that were filled with such raw terror, and put his hand on Sirius' to help calm him down. "Come on, it was only a dream. Take a few deep breaths, and eat this," he said, passing a hunk of Honeydukes finest chocolate to Sirius. "Lets get dressed, then we'll test out your transformation skills to prove you still can do it."  
Sirius nodded nervously. He had never felt so scared since he'd escaped from Azkaban, especially as he knew the full moon was tomorrow night, and he would only be able to stay with Remus as Padfoot. Snape may have been able to create the Wolfsbane option, but Remus still preferred to have no human company when he was transformed, just in case. As much as he needed to rely on Snape, Remus couldn't afford to risk anything by putting one hundred percent trust in him.

They both got dressed and stood next to the bed. Sirius was still shaking slightly, but had a determined look on his face. "Ready when you are," said Remus softly, and Sirius nodded. Closing his eyes, Sirius had a clear view of Padfoot in his mind. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes, and realised he was still standing next to Remus, who was looking decidedly worried.  
"Moony," Sirius said in a quiet voice, "I can't. What's wrong with me? I can't."   
Remus' mind was racing. He'd heard of Metamorphagi not being to transform after a large shock or loss, but never an Animagus.  
"Sit down here, Sirius. I'll floo Dumbledore and Poppy and ask them."   
Sirius sat down, his back still wet with sweat, his mind filled with impossible thoughts, while Remus went downstairs to floo Hogwarts.

Remus reappeared a while later, looking grave. "Neither of them have heard of this happening before, Paddy. They said they only way to find out for sure would be to visit St Mungos... which you obviously can't."  
Sirius looked even more depressed than before. "How can I suddenly lose that ability? I can't even ask Prongs to advice: he would be the only other wizard I could have asked, having gone through the transformation training together. My life revolves around being able to transform. That's why I'm still here: without that, I would have been Dementor meat," he said with a shudder.  
Remus put an arm around his shoulder, and realised just how sweaty Sirius still was. "I should have got you to shower off before you dressed Siri. Why not have a quick shower now, then we can think something out over breakfast. Maybe you just hadn't had enough to eat to be able to transform." It was a long shot, but the best he could think of.

Sirius had a short shower off, then walked downstairs, dragging his feet across the carpet as he did so. Life just didn't seem worth it without being able to transform. How would he manage in the full moon, or if any more Dementors approached him? The thought of the Dementors brought his dream rushing back towards him, and he shook his head to clear it. He flopped into the chair at the table, as Remus brought in his favourite breakfast of a traditional Muggle full cooked English breakfast. The smell crept into his nostrils, and lifted his mood slightly. He looked up at Remus, and tried to muster a smile of gratitude, but it fell short.   
Remus gave a supportive half-smile back, and sat down next to Sirius.

They both ate their way through their hearty breakfast, and Remus cleared the plates away. Although he knew he could clear them with a mere flick of his wand, he preferred to clear the table to Muggle way, as it gave him something to do, and a chance for him to think about Sirius' problem. When he re-entered the room, he found Sirius sitting at the table still, his head in his hands. "Come on, Siri," he said, putting an arm over his shoulder again, "we'll think of a way of doing this. Lets try looking at those Marauder pictures from our Hogwarts days. That may help you focus your mind more."  
Sirius stood up, and let himself be guided by Remus to the sofa, where he slumped as Remus summoned the photo album from the dresser. They flicked through the pages for hours, Sirius occasionally trying to transform, but having no success. After five hours of this, he finally stood up. "It's no good, Rem," he said, "I just have to face the facts. I can't do it anymore."  
"Nonsense," replied Remus, standing up, "there must be a way of getting this back. It could be that whatever was in your dream, is blocking that part of your mind from focussing on transforming enough."  
Sirius looked at his feet. He wasn't one to give up normally, but he just couldn't see how on earth he was going to rediscover his transformation skills before tomorrow night.

The entire evening was spent trying to clear Sirius' mind, using some strange Muggle technique Remus had heard of, called meditation. When that didn't work, he tried hexing Sirius like they did at Hogwarts, to relight the spark of Marauder that was in him. Everything they tried was unsuccessful, and that night, a dejected Sirius and Remus climbed into bed, an air of defeat about them. Sirius had been careful to take the dreamless sleep potion before going to bed, so he awoke calmly the next morning: until he remembered that it was the full moon that night. 

It was officially Sirius' turn to make the breakfast, but as he walked down the stairs, he could smell breakfast already being cooked. Remus was a much better cook than Sirius, so he was relieved to not have to think about making the breakfast that morning. "I thought we would do something different today, Siri," Remus said as he served the breakfast, "I thought we could have a go at redecorating the bedroom."  
Sirius looked surprised, but figured that this would give him something to do, to take his mind away from the coming night, and nodded.

After they had cleared the breakfast plates, they walked back up to the bedroom, where Remus had already set up a ladder, and summoned several paint pots, complete with brushes. Sirius looked around the room, then asked, "what colour will this be then, Rem?"  
Remus looked up, a mischievous look in his eye, "anything you like - these are paint pots direct from Diagon Alley. They change to whichever colour you like at the time."  
Sirius looked up, then his face fell. The paint can change colour, but he can't change into Padfoot. Remus looked at him, then realised what he'd said. Walking over to Sirius, he said softly, "lets get this room painted. I don't care if it comes out black, blue or sky-blue pink. It just needs a freshen up."  
Reluctantly, Sirius agreed, "come on then," he replied, trying to sound a little enthusiastic.

Many hours later, they and the walls were covered in paint. Remus stood back to admire their handiwork, and thought he even saw a small smile from Sirius at the transformation the room had undertaken. Looking at the clock, Remus realised it would be dark soon, and he needed to be in the secure room at the back of the house. "Time," he said to Sirius, who automatically stepped forwards to accompany Remus to the room. They walked together in stony silence, until Remus approached the door.   
Sirius stood back, and allowed Remus to walk in, closing the door behind him. Pulling up a chair outside the door, Sirius made himself as comfortable as possible. If he couldn't be in there with Remus, he would at least be outside the door for him.

An hour passed, before Sirius could hear the painful sounds of Remus' transformation. Despite the Wolfsbane potion, the transformation was always the loud painful part. Thankful that the house had plenty of silencing charms on it, Sirius sat on the edge of his chair, wishing he could support Remus in the room. Sirius closed his eyes, to try and block out the fact that he was unable to support Remus when he needed him most, as Remus had done with him the previous night.  
The painful sounds were suddenly louder, jolting Sirius out of his thoughts. Opening his eyes, he noticed the room had a strange red tinge to it. Looking down, he realised that there were four paws on the ground instead of two feet. Totally amazed, he jumped from the chair, and promptly fell onto the floor. He could hear the wolf snarling from inside the room, and barked back three times. The wolf suddenly went quiet, as if it had not expected Padfoot to be there either. Taking a few steps backwards, Padfoot raced at the door which magically opened for him, and came face to face with the wolf in the middle of the room.  
Remus had obviously not expected to be joined by Padfoot that night, and the wolf began to challenge the unexpected visitor, striding towards him, teeth bared. Stopping nose-to-nose, the wolf drew breath, and recognised the unexpected scent of Padfoot as a friend rather than a meal or an enemy.

--

The following morning, Remus found himself curled up on the floor, with a warm furry thing over him. The events of the previous night came back to him, as he opened his eyes, to find a black dog lying across his chest, sound asleep. Tickling Padfoot under the ear, he said "you did it," and a grin appeared on his face. The soft wagging of Padfoot's tail indicated he too was awake, and Sirius promptly transformed back, stood up, and helped Remus to his feet.  
Remus ached slightly, but that was more from the fact a large dog had slept on his chest for most of the night, rather than his own transformation. He stepped towards Sirius, and leant into him. Sirius drew breath to speak, but Remus' lips were kissing the breath from Sirius before his words could escape. Finally, they drew for breath, and Sirius looked happier than he had in the last year.

"You gonna tell me how you managed it, Paddy?"  
Sirius looked into those deep amber eyes and replied, "not sure really. I think it was all down to you though."  
Remus looked a little confused, "down to me? How?"  
"When I heard your transformation, it sounded so painful. I couldn't bear listening, so I closed my eyes," Sirius continued. "When I opened them again, I had transformed. No idea how, I just had."

Remus looked thoughtful, "never thought about that - maybe you just needed reminding. I think that dream you had blocked out the full thought process you need to go through to transform. The sound of my transformation must have lifted that block. Somehow."  
"I dunno," replied Sirius, "to be honest, I don't care how I did it, just that I can again."  
Sirius grinned as he moved into another deep kiss, but before their lips met, he added, "all thanks to you."


End file.
